Point B

The looks pile high on my shoulders

like pellets of snow when it’s colder

But they don’t melt away, no, they weigh me down

One measly step backward, and

I never rebound

There’s nothing outstanding about me

I took this route just to get to

Point B

but now their gazes cast fire around me

and I walk through, and burn

and they stare at me funny

The humorous thing, though

is my unhindered smiling

While the flames eat away at my clothes

and I realize there’s nothing

but indifference in your eyes

so I brush off the ashes,

and go

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Journal Kept

Strip the paint from the walls,

rip up the carpet;

take a look around.

What surrounds you?

The prior tenant’s history;

the growing pains,

the scratch marks,

the love lines,

the discontent,

the gleeful coffee rings,

the somber carvings.

The journal kept subconsciously

by those who dwelled here before you;

everything contained in some years’ time

that means something to someone,

that you had the audacity

to cover up.

Commencement Letters

I could be the hero, maybe

I could be in the position
to teach somebody something, maybe

Maybe you could learn from me,
instead of me from you

Chapter one becomes a palimpsest
and I promise I’ll put forth my best

Now that we’ll be switching seats

I’ve grown rather weary from
feeling like a dog with a fraying leash

I think I’m worth more than
a pat on the head

More than paw pads made of
corrugated condemnations

More than eyes that see in colorless gradients

More than your patronizing accolades
which pave the way to
thinking i’ve done well

When it’s been preprogrammed
that I’m to feel worthy only after
I’ve passed with commencement letters

The years under your belt
they’re plenty more than mine

But they dissolve under the weight
of the ever-changing times

Mine may be few,
but they’re outlined with horizons broadened

With eyes wide like the sea

So if you’re open to it,
I could teach you a thing or two

Maybe

Just maybe

Avoir – The Conjugation and Tenses of the French Irregular Verb

Salut! Ça fait longtemps, mais je suis là.

Hello! It’s been a long time, but here I am. I’m happy to announce that my French studies have been going very well! When I’m learning, I can’t move on to something new until I fully understand the why and how of what’s in front of me. I take great pleasure in being completely confident in my ability to properly use a new word, as well as understanding why, when, and how to use said new word. Having said that, certain things I once had trouble with in my French studies have lately seemed to just click, and I’ve begun to understand more clearly and add to my cache of knowledge on the subject. So today, we’re going to take a deeper look at one of the first verbs beginner French speakers learn, and that’s avoir, which means to have. It’s the verb with the most conjugations, as it has a multitude of uses.

Present tense conjugations of avoir are commonplace in the beginning and are easy to recognize:

J’ai – I have
Tu as – you have (informal)
Vous avez – you have (formal)
Il/elle a – he/it/she has
Nous avons – we have
Ils/elles ont – they have

Now comes the tricky part. Avoir has numerous tenses and conjugations, depending on the mood and who’s speaking. But if you’re like me, it’s difficult to remember all the different tenses and what each one means. There’s present, present perfect, imperfect, future, future perfect, pluperfect, nearly perfect, less than perfect… Okay, so maybe those last two I made up. But the six tenses prior are all legitimate. But again, I never remember what exactly ‘present perfect’ or ‘pluperfect’ mean, and honestly, I can’t be bothered to care. So that’s why I’m taking the liberty of conjugating avoir for you in each of these tenses, as well as writing the English equivalent. This way, if you’re having trouble knowing when to use which conjugation, just remember that how you’d say it in English, that’s the translation you’d need to use in French, too. Note that as I conjugated the present tense above, it will not appear below. Enjoy.

Present Perfect Tense (English: have had)

J’ai eu – I have had
Tu as eu – you have had (informal)
Vous avez eu – you have had (formal)
Il/elle a eu – he/it/she has had
Nous avons eu – we have had
Ils/elles ont eu – they have had

Imperfect Tense (English: had)

J’avais – I had
Tu avais – you had (informal)
Vous aviez – you had (formal)
Il/elle avait – he/it/she had
Nous avions – we had
Ils/elles avaient – they had

Pluperfect Tense (English: had had)

J’avais eu – I had had
Tu avais eu – you had had (informal)
Vous aviez eu – you had had (formal)
Il/elle avait eu – he/it/she had had
Nous avions eu – we had had
Ils/elles avaient eu – they had had

Future Tense (English: will have)

J’aurai – I will have
Tu auras – you will have (informal)
Vous aurez – you will have (formal)
Il/elle aura – he/it/she will have
Nous aurons – we will have
Ils/elles auront – they will have

Future Perfect Tense (English: will have had)

J’aurai eu – I will have had
Tu auras eu – you will have had (informal)
Vous aurez eu – you will have had (formal)
Il/elle aura eu – he/it/she will have had
Nous aurons eu – we will have had
Ils/elles auront eu – they will have had

Conditional Present Mood (English: would have)

J’aurais – I would have
Tu aurais – you would have (informal)
Vous auriez – you would have (formal)
Il/elle aurait – he/it/she would have
Nous aurions – we would have
Ils/elles auraient – they would have

Conditional Past Mood (English: would have had)

J’aurais eu – I would have had
Tu aurais eu – you would have had (informal)
Vous auriez eu – you would have had (formal)
Il/elle aurait eu – he/it/she would have had
Nous aurions eu – we would have had
Ils/elles auraient eu – they would have had

The spellings of each conjugation are important, as the accidental omission or addition of a letter could potentially be the wrong translation. But getting the hang of that will come in time. And just when you thought that the previously listed eight moods were overwhelming, they don’t stop there. There are three other tenses: the subjunctive (uncertainty of events), the imperative (a demand/request/suggestion), and the three participles (perfect: having done/had; past: when avoir acts as a helping verb; present: to be in the process of). But I’ll elaborate more on those in a future post, once I get the hang of them myself. In the meantime, I hope this post has helped to clear up any confusion you may have had surrounding the enigmatic avoir. Any questions or concerns? As always, feel free to leave them in the comments below and I’ll do my best to answer them all. Also, a disclaimer: I am still learning, so if any of the above information is incorrect, please, by all means, let me know. I don’t want to be teaching potential/beginner French speakers how to conjugate incorrectly! Ce ne serait pas bon. 🙂

Happy tensing! (See what I did there?)

Pro-Antagonism

I’ve been an antagonist

towards my favorite people

and even still,

memories of those instances

pour over me, thick and oily,

tough to remove.

I don’t like to be reminded

that I was a child once,

that I sat with legs limp over the edge

of my mother’s bookshelf;

frozen but watching.

It’s the growing process,

I’m told,

and while I’m forgiven,

I can’t seem to release myself

from the threshold

of preadolescent tantrum.

I wasn’t alone,

but that’s not my concern;

don’t these patterns repeat,

and am I conscious enough

to feel them coming on?

Am I mature enough

to slam the brakes

before they fail?

In Jest

I joke;

you laugh

and I am funny

you like me

I try again;

you smirk

I fall short

I’m no good

you hate me

I can’t stay

I go now

Rasputin

The low hum comes from the snow plow drum

on the streets that crumble like they’re free of gluten

You could mend them if You’re out there like it’s written

or is Yours just a name of theory

like that of Rasputin?

I pull back the covers of my childhood blunders

and I am finally free to escape the searing clutch of my blindfold

While I’m not made of money or of gold

it’s still a beautifully irreverent thing

to have your mind sold

The Genesis of Wanderlust

This is the twenty-fourth winter I’ve spent in this town

and I’d rather there not be a twenty-fifth

Despite the laundry list of shit it takes to move myself from this abyss

I’ll make it out of this time-space continuum rift

I’ve seen some places, pissed off some friends

Reconciled with others and fell into some harmonious trends

I’ve lived my life on impulse, settled into craters of debt

and rode out again on the back of my unsafe bets

The Greatest Driving Force

Words fall limp from the cache

and form derisive sentences

at the push of a button

They form wedges between upstanding

members of society

who happen to be familiar

and drive on home

a great divide

Disguised as any given one of us,

the words

they rip through and tear apart

from the inside outward

until what’s left is swollen distrust

and

shredded empathy

Wattpad

Bonjour! Ça va bien? Je l’espère et que vous avez mangé beaucoup de bonbons.

I apologize for my absence. I’ve been somewhat of a hermit and keeping to myself lately. I’ve also been preoccupied with a website I’ve just discovered called Wattpad. Do you use Wattpad? I would love to read your works!

In short, Wattpad is a social network for writers and readers. You can write anything you’d like and publish it for the world to see. Additionally, you can discover the written works of others, follow along with them, leave comments and critiques, make friends, etc. There is even a book cover creator! I am plotzing just thinking about it.

I’m currently writing a short story I call Citrus, about Valencia, a bohemian barista who must walk to work after her car battery dies. Along the way she encounters numerous obstacles that may or may not make her late in the end… I’ll never tell! (Mostly because I haven’t decided if she’s going to make it on time or not, yet.) It’s an ongoing, live-updating story, and I publish each part as I finish it. It’s got just three parts so far, but if you’d like to follow along with Val on her misadventure to her job, you can read it here. Each part is just a few paragraphs long and doesn’t take more than a couple of minutes to read through.

If you’re a fellow Wattpadder, feel free to check me out under username w0rdsm17h.

Jusqu’à la prochaine fois!