4 Things Toddlers Do That I Still Do, Myself

I’ve recently acquired a second job at a children’s clothing store known as Carter’s. It is the first job I’ve ever had that deals with primarily clothes, and babies and toddlers. In working with them, I try to make them smile and laugh; some are receptive, others are not. I’ve found that I can relate to both the outgoing and the introverted on different levels- maybe I simply never grew up in certain areas of my life. Some things that children do are deemed more acceptable than if an adult were to do them; I’m here to challenge the validity of that statement by exercising my right to share in the following toddler inclinations as an adult.

1. Bury my face in my company when a stranger tries to talk to me.

There are days when I simply do not feel like it. What does ‘it’ refer to? Life. Anything. I am forced to interact daily with other human beings at both jobs; can’t I enjoy a day off without talking to anybody? Maybe it rained and I forgot my umbrella. Maybe the release date of a video game I’d been anticipating was pushed back to an undisclosed time. Maybe I’m upset with the amount of money we spend per fiscal year as a country. There are various contributing factors. The point is, if you’re unfamiliar and say hello to me, don’t be surprised if I grab my best friend’s arm and hide behind her, peeking out only to see if you’ve gone away yet.

2. Stare unabashedly at unfamiliar people for uncomfortable periods of time.

Like this:


Or, if there are multiple people fussing over me, this:

Imagine the caption as merely a thought bubble, though, because nobody outwardly questions the attention they’re receiving while they’re receiving it.

3. Fiendishly chase after bubbles while giggling in different octaves.

Does this one even need explaining?



Look at that display of prismatic, soapy goodness. Why WOULDN’T somebody chase after that gravity-defying beauty? Never too old for that shit.

I have this theory that bubbles are trying to lead us to another realm, full of rainbows and cookies and happy and free balloons and hugs. When they pop, it’s from discouragement due to having floated too far outside our reach as humans. One day, we’ll get there. One day.

…Moving on.

4. Announce when I’ve gone to the bathroom and then expect a reward.

What? My brother would reward my nephew with some M&Ms if he went on the potty while being trained. Granted, he is three and just learned, and that is quite a milestone. But I’m going to be twenty-four soon, and not once have I ever forgotten how or where to properly use the bathroom. That’s a long time. Shouldn’t I get something? M&Ms are nice, but how about something a little better. Like maybe the coconut M&Ms. Now that’s a reward.



In a world as backwards and gruesome as ours, I think I reserve the right to not want to grow up in ways shown above. Save for number four- that one isn’t a question of maturity, but a prideful accomplishment that I feel I’m owed recognition for.

Excuse me; the fresco I’m coloring on the wall molding is in dire need of attention.





6 thoughts on “4 Things Toddlers Do That I Still Do, Myself

  1. “Maybe it rained and I forgot my umbrella.” You’re adorable! I just want to hug you. You’re hilarious, Todd you really are. I have those days too. I too work in customer service so I do have days like that. Interestingly enough, I actually enjoy being alone on my off days. I’m happy in my room, all by myself. That’s because I deal with people every fucking day, so I make my off a no-people-interacting day.
    I love bubbles too. This one’s pretty great I haven’t quite seen anything like it.
    Thanks for the laughter!

    1. Haha, thank you, Zareen! Hugs are always welcome. 🙂 I am glad you enjoyed this post. I don’t really mind interacting with people on my off days, but there are certainly fleeting moments when I just want everybody to go away and leave me alone.

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