Annette

Death is such a bewildering phenomenon. Someone who existed simply no longer does, even if the transition from life to death was not so simple.

It becomes even more bewildering when it’s someone you have some sort of association with. Whether your connection was sordid, amusing, serendipitous, romantic, rivalrous, joyful, deep, distant… you were still, by some degree, bound to each other in some way. You knew each other’s names. That warrants association in the very least, even if that’s as far as it went. But then one day, you receive the news that they’ve passed, and it stops you in your tracks. The deepest connections yield the most painful reactions, but even those not so close-knit are still surreal.

What’s even more dumbfounding is that in this case, it’s not unlike in the television shows. Abusive ex. Motive. Odd crime scene. Cryptic messages left behind.

No matter the case; Annette, you had some impact on me in an inexplicable way. May you rest in peace eternally.

9/26/14

Red

Your reflection

in the boutique window

told me that you got

onto the sidewalk

safely.

But I turned to look,

and you were sunbathing

in the turning lane:

eyes wider

than the jaws

of the passers by.

Red never suited you.

If I Have Gay Children: Four Promises From A Christian Pastor/Parent

I don’t typically reblog things. But this father’s unconditional love for his children is so profound and incredible- it really resonates with me. I couldn’t not share. Absolutely beautiful.

john pavlovitz

KidsFiltered


Sometimes I wonder if I’ll have gay children.

I’m not sure if other parents think about this, but I do; quite often.

Maybe it’s because I have many gay people in my family and circle of friends. It’s in my genes and in my tribe.
Maybe it’s because, as a pastor of students, I’ve seen and heard the horror stories of gay Christian kids, from both inside and outside of the closet, trying to be part of the Church.
Maybe it’s because, as a Christian, I interact with so many people who find homosexuality to be the most repulsive thing imaginable, and who make that abundantly clear at every conceivable opportunity.

For whatever reason, it’s something that I ponder frequently. As a pastor and a parent, I wanted to make some promises to you, and to my two kids right now…

1) If I have gay children, you’ll all know it.

My children won’t…

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And The Award Goes To…

…Tina Fey! For her performance in ‘This Is Where I Leave You.’

Just kidding. It’s actually me! 😀 I’ve been nominated for the Liebster Award, for the second time, actually. The first time, I had no idea what it was or what I was doing, so I never fulfilled the requirements. This time around, I’ve been nominated by this lovely lady. Thank you, Zareen!

According to the rules, I am supposed to thank the person who nominated me – check; don the Liebster Award badge on my blog – check (see the ‘This Week’ widget to the right); tell readers 11 random facts about myself –

1. Sometimes when I am walking in public with my headphones in, I pretend I am in a music video.

2. I met Neon Hitch at a Pride event last July; I got her autograph on my bicep and a day later, got it tattooed on me forever.

3. Indian food is my favorite cuisine.

4. I’ve had 10 piercings in total- never all 10 at the same time; some came while others went. I retired them all but my cartilage this past June. 

5. I have to sleep with a blanket, even in the height of summer.

6. I have a fondness for horizontally striped clothing. 

7. I play Minecraft.

8. Bridesmaids is my favorite movie.

9. I’ve been collecting Pokemon cards since the late ’90s.

10. I have hypersomnia.

11. I’m the youngest of three boys.

– check; nominate 5 other blogs –

I nominate these fine bloggers:

G. Z. Kieft | thenarcissistwrites | January’s Dream | betternotbroken | Flora Pan

– check; finally, provide questions for them to answer –

1. Who’s a celebrity you’d most like to creep on at a trendy coffeehouse?

2. How do you feel about balloons? Amazing, right?

3. What does the LEMUR say?

4. What book are you currently reading? How is it?

5. What’s your favorite flavor of throat lozenge? 

6. Which ingredients would make your ideal sandwich?

7. Which color would you like to paint the walls that are currently around you?

8. Do you have a favorite song of all-time? What is it?

9. What type of surface are your feet touching right this second? (e.g. rug, hardwood, grass, concrete, soil, not applicable, other)

Zareen has posed the following survey for me.

1. Name one person you can’t live without.

My best friend Jenn. She’s my support system; my rock; she keeps me grounded, is brutally honest, and she has taught me more than she’ll ever know.

2. What is your dream job?

I want to become a recording artist. I want to make records and play shows and tour the world. Forever.

3. Describe your ideal destination.

Oslo, Norway.

4. Best part of your life is…

My dreams, ambitions, hopes, and aspirations; they’re outlines of my future. Also, those fleeting moments when stress is absent, family is present, and laughter is omnipotent.

5. Favorite accessory that you can’t leave the home without.

It’s not so much an accessory as it is my chapstick. If I somehow forget it when I leave home, I will stop somewhere to buy some. I need it constantly throughout the day.

6. You hate people who…

Abuse animals.

7. Worst pick-up line ever is…?

Damn. Are you McDonald’s? ‘Cause I’m lovin’ it. (But I would totally use it.)

8. Name the car you want to drive.

Kia Soul- it doesn’t matter which color.

9. Name one person who has had significant impact on your life. 

Avril Lavigne. Need I say more?


That about wraps it up. Thanks again, Zareen, for nominating me. Thank you, also, for being an awesome fellow blogger and supporter of my blog. 🙂

I hope you’ve enjoyed learning a bit more about me. I certainly look forward to learning more about my nominees!

 

Needed: Opinions

What do you guys think of my new theme? I favored my former one (Illustratr) for its simplicity. But after a while, it got to be too plain. Too much black and white, not enough color. I like this one- it’s relatively ‘autumnal,’ if you will. It just somehow reminds me of Fall, okay?

Honest opinions?

Introducing Ira

The angel-hair strands of smoke waft in and out of his nostrils. The menthol scent is strong, carrying a premonition of imminent lung cancer and hints of staleness. If you were to voice your concern regarding this nasty habit, his response would be almost invariably the same:

I’ve lived a good life, he would say, carelessly.

He lends a kempt appearance: A wardrobe dominated by the business-casual button-up – usually housing a plaid or pinstripe design; thick-rimmed glasses; solid color ties; pleated khakis; glossy dress shoes with a shine so elaborate, you could see your reflection in them nearly perfectly.

But his voice is quite the contrary: Relatively hoarse from years of smoking, wheezy; deep and stern, but warm, with a tone that evokes confidence in the adequacy of what he says.

He’s got an odd, almost crass charm about him, which makes me feel comfortable enough to confide in him without fearing that he’ll think I’m mentally out of sorts. He’s quite objective and impartial, especially in the company of his clientele. But I guess one would expect that from a therapist.

I notice the 4 on his door is slightly crooked. I reach to fix it, but before I can, I hear the door unlatch. I take a step back.

“Jolie,” I hear him call from the other side, “welcome back.” The door opens slightly, inviting me into his office. I step inside and close it quietly behind me.

“Fresh air is quite fueling,” he suggests, lighting a cigarette near an open window, “wouldn’t you agree?”

The irony tempts me, but I say nothing. Instead, I change the subject. “Ira, he’s…” I fumble my words. “Lachlan is… he won’t-”

“He doesn’t believe you,” Ira finishes for me. “And you never expected this day would come.”

“Who do I have now?” I continue, my voice shaking angrily.

“Well, I suspect that’s why you’re here. Why we have these sessions.”

Ira often serves as the voice of reason. I’d even go as far as calling him my mentor, in a lot of ways.


To be continued…

 

Water Damage

“I promise you, I’m not delusional,” I say, frustrated. Lachlan shoots me an incredulous glance.

“You know, I’m not a fan of being the only stable child,” he retorts. “I can’t say I’m not still on your side, but I’m a bit closer to the middle, now.”

Lachlan has never found comfort in being a mediator. He gravitates towards the absolute; black and white- no grey area. That’s how he views things. I often used to admire him for his structured outlook. He was always so sure of himself, while I was always questioning myself and my rationale. But I have no words for this. My own brother: no longer a supporter of my claims.

I was sure the water damage on the walls would be proof enough to sway him.


To be continued…

 

Morning Coffee

The bark
On the tree
Outside my kitchen window
Glares unforgivingly
At me
As I cozen
My brother’s creamer
To liven up my morning coffee

“Adia” – Sarah McLachlan Cover

I’ve talked plenty about my love of music, but I’ve never gone on to elaborate that I’m a singer by trade. Have I? I don’t remember. Either way, I thought I’d expose a bit more of that side of me for you. This morning I decided to record an impromptu cover of Sarah McLachlan’s “Adia.” If you’re wondering, yes, the instrumental track is a karaoke version of the song. I don’t play the guitar well enough to sing along simultaneously. When you’re through judging, you can listen to the cover below. There are some rough spots, but I am still working on becoming more comfortable in front of the camera.

Hope you enjoy it. Feedback is always welcome and greatly appreciated. 🙂

Favorite Words

Having been a recipient of dictionary.com’s Word of the Day for months, I discover new words on the reg (abbrev. form of ‘on the regular;’ i.e., regularly). I’ve started to tally them in my Notes app to keep track of those that particularly resonate with me.

Here are some that I look forward to using in my writing.

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What are some of your favorite words and why? 🙂